Mreps and Muc Invite Haikal To Talk About The Films of 2009 (Part Three)

This is the best part of watching movies, criticizing films that are shit. Its not really a thrilling affair to watch this sort of films but the best part comes after the movie when we all have a good laugh at how craptacularly molusk the film was and then regretting ever going.

THE BAD

1. New Moon
Its not nearly as bad as they say it was but, yeah, it's still bad. Its on the borderline of Okay and Bad but I don't have a category for that do I? Sometimes you watch a movie and then it hits you like salt water on a snail, why am I watching this? Then you realize that it was a dumb mistake on your behalf to have agreed to take your stupid sister to watch this film. I would be fair and say that this one's better than Twilight but of course anythings better than Twilight (even Taintlight). I guess this one was sort of alright given the fact that RP wasn't in it too much. To think of all the awards this franchise has picked up from being voted by the public, makes me grieve for this poor deluded young generation. The only saving grace of this film was Michael Sheen himself and that lasted for only a few minutes. I realize I am not within the intended demographic that this film was made for but is it too hard to make this film slightly better? Watching this film, one does notice the fact that there are a group of guys who can change into werewolves and by changing they rip off their clothes and therefore we have a bunch of buff guys running around nude in the forest together.. But I guess that attracts the girls

2. Ninja AssassinThe only reason I went to watch this film was all because I thought the Wachowski Brothers wrote and directed the film but I realize that they were only producing it.. After watching the film, I came out with the flarg that this was an incredibly stupid silly movie with a stupid silly plot, with a stupid silly cast. It was interesting to see how ninjas are trained but the appeal stops there. It seems like the only thing the director had in mind was to create as much blood and gore as possible and pile the bodies. For a much more superior film, I'd settle for 300 again. Now that was a movie you could love. The acting skills of Rain. Well, he only had one expression and I guess that is he's acting capability. The pop stars of today such as Jay Chou and Rain are our martial arts action stars of today and that makes me wanna puke. Just the thought that Jay Chou is reprising Bruce Lee's role in the remake of the Green Hornet and that Rain is reprising Lee's role in the Fist of the Dragon remake makes me wanna.. I have no more fancy words to use so I'll just go with puke. What an age we live in and how our generation is decaying.

3. G.I. Joe: The Rise of CobraAt some parts, this film was actually good but the bad was even worst. The script in my opinion is one of the worst I've come in contact with. By far the worse this year. The script sucked! Sucked! The action scenes were not really as originally done as one would expect it to be and it just consisted of destroying everything in the way (Even Terminator 3 used that formula but still ended up being ace). At least there was Sienna Miller.

4. ArmouredWith a cast that includes Jean Reno, Laurence Fishburne and Matt Dillon one might expect this film to be good right? Wrong! Jean Reno didn't even say much! And the plot.. I got bored off it going into the 3oth minute and seriously wished time would have went faster. The main character was as likeable as a Edward Cullen action figure and I found myself rooting for the bad guys who were also not that likeable. Damn, this shit was bad. Two pointless car chases and a suicide, I just wished salvation would arrive for this film. Too bad it didn't. This holiday was already boring and yet I amazed myself by boring myself more with this pile of repugnant bag of chips.

6. The International
A movie about the evils committed by banks? That sounds promising and with Clive Owen too, one of my favourite actors. However, Mr. Owen I am forced to say that this movie you were in sucked monkey balls like a dehydrated donkey. I actually turned it off when it was nearing the end because it just sucked.. The plot was just going nowhere and it tried to be smart when it actually wasn't and damn, new characters that you couldn't care for kept popping up. The only thing I liked was the concept of mirroring how big corporations have the ability and power to do whatever they can bringing forth the disadvantages placed upon capitalism but it was a poorly executed concept.

7. Night At The Museum 2This was supposed to be a comedy and yet I didn't laugh at all. I guess kiddy humour goes right up the end with me. It was a drag throughout that almost made me wanna punch the person who suggested we watch this piece of garbage in the cinema. Ben Stiller's attempts at creating a funny scene falls flat everytime. I thought the first one was better and I hated the first one.

8. Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen

There is just too much bad shit in this film too write down. So instead of repeating myself, try this out: Transformers 2 Review from the olde Director's Seat. Memories..

9. Final Destination 4The worst of 2009, why did I ever go to see this piece of retarded anal ripping, dick castrating, skin tearing, leg sawing, ball scratching, skull fucking, hair burning pile of spectacular shit?? Oh, right.. Love makes you do stupid things in life. I guess it was a pretty hilarious movie so I suppose all wasn't lost but it wasn't intended to be a comedy was it?? It was a serious take on death and the hopeless invitation that it had to offer and when it makes me laugh, you know how bad it is. I watched Transformers 2 in disgust and I watched Final Destination 4 with the putrified longing for a cinema attendant to come strolling by offering me a spoon that I can use to rip out my eyeballs (they should sell that).